J&B Met

Yesterday I went to the J&B Met in Cape Town.

I like looking at the posers and prostitots pretending to be something special; like provincials (that they are), they walk around like scions of society when in fact they have infectious jobs of little import.

I stood around pretending to be one of them, glass of warm champagne in hand. I was right for the moment, standing in my pressed white suit. I looked like one of them, trying too hard to blend in. But my fault was blending in too well... looking too dapper for the truth to be hidden.

I was someone that unimportant. And yet I was too important...

I needed some outlet, I needed to find something to change my mind about people, to convince me that they were in fact worth while... even if they were not.

The Beginning

I am a liar. Everything about me is a convoluted lie. Everything I say shouldn't be believed, everything I do should be not taken as truth.

What I can say is that in this place there is nothing for me to lose by being true; but you will never really know where truth ends and my lies begin.

I wish I could say I'm sorry for that, I wish I could express remorse. But I can't. I've tried so many times, but its like I was born without the ability to feel. Others feel too much, it only then makes sense that others feel too little.

I feel too little. Such is my existance.

Some might want me to be self-destructive, on a path to annihilation. But I am normal. That should terrify you, but it won't. There is no terror in normality; no fear in the light of the morning sun.